Saturday, January 20, 2007
i'm sick. from a minor sore throat to a really serious 1. apparently, i lost my voice ydae becos of tt 6 peanut butter cookies tt i hav eaten. wow. and i didnt even realised i was having fever until i went to c a doctor. =.= tts so, me.
even though i was sick, i still went to batu pahat cos i wanna noe how serious was the flooding conditions over there. it is extremely flooded. there was dis soccer field which was converted into a mini lake when i saw pple rolling boats jus to get across it. i pity the pple dere. hais. and the rain sets in continuously... shall show u sum pictures taken from the car...u'll get wad i mean...
it's still raining! ):
it takes 4-5 hrs to reach batu pahat from sg...and on my way there, many things came across my mind..maybe it's becos of tt weather...and when the rain sets in at arn 5 plus.....my fever..and sore throat..and voice...hais..
have u ever wondered wads wrong wiv me for the past few weeks? well, it's time to reveal then.
sch sucks. life sucks. and amidst the high level of stress i'm getting, i'm facing problems in other aspects as well. i'm hating my life.
the pple arn me...they dun understand. they dun c it, they dun feel it. and even if they hav felt sth was wrong wiv mi...they wld choose not to mention it. i'm so damn unhappy. to think tt pple thought i blew up 4 sum trivial matters. in any case...qn is, wld i? 4 a small matter?
many a times...i really do hav a lot to say....and i often kept quiet....i dint wan anything to turn sour and stuff....so evything wld go bottled up inside mi..it wasnt an overnite kinda of thing. it existed quite sum time ago...jus tt i hav chosen to avoid tt topic. sorry, i cant do dis anymore...it's overwhelming!
if u hav known mi from my secondary sch..u wld hav realised tt drastic change in me....at least...not a facade...
i noe...i didnt do well 4 my promos...and i get condemned 4 it as well. it's lyk..they feel tt i cant do it tt kind of thing.....i hav heard enuff of those hurtful things tt pple sae.....for e.g...during a maths tut in class...." How u noe is lyk dis? i tink u anyhow sae." lyk hello? how abt during a chi tut..." dun bother asking her....she doesnt noes..." or even when i said tt i hav really completed studying 4 chem....pple dun believe mi....." huh? u finished studying?"..."ya...completed evything and read thru evything once more on sun..." ..."oh.....reading thru is not the same as revision" lyk hello? i hav started way b4 hand.... u noe wad i mean.. it's so hurtin! and even if i were 2 b despised upon...u dun hav to say it to me face to face rite? damn, it's so upsetting cuming from her.
hah. dis few wks of sch...was living lyk hell. and when the ogl issue sets in...seeing pple arn me getting crazy over their ogms.......where was i? nowhere. and i'm hearing so much abt them............4 wad? i dunno them! and the fact tt i cldnt b an ogl cos of results.........
so much fun had been added to their lives recently.....i'm happy 4 them and yet....i'm feeling so detached. wads the point of havin a clique when u feel tt u r actualli out of it? and when ppl can pretend tt nth's wrong wiv it...and live on and pretend tt evything's fine? oh well, i aint tt type of person. i cant do dis.
y r my words doubted when it's true? when i heard fr ch telling mi abt wei? wad wld i gain from lyin? cant u jus believe mi? it's such a joke tt u dun.
and when i'm facing so unhappy....i aint able to share it..and when i'm really sick...no1 bothers.......xcept waiyin. i was waiting 4 dis particular sms since ydae....bt it didnt came.......and the thot of him lingers on 4 i dunno wad reasons.......when i noe i'm standing no where in his heart..cos i was nt tt special, lyk wad he said. and i wanted to destress aft all tt tests b4 moving on........and 4 sum reasons, i cant. and when i'm taking all tt initiatives again..........i cldnt understand y my heart works dis way when i noe he wldnt b dere..
i'm hating life. amidst the crowd.......
i've lost myself.
i'm nt gonna put on tt facade anymore. it's time to settle dwn and tink abt it seriously.
deardiary.
8:03 PM
